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I used to be the biggest loser
I never could do anything right
I wet the bed till I was 14
Could never hold my own in a fight
But suddenly everything got changed
My whole life story rearranged
And all my friends, they think that
I'm deranged
But they don't understand the godly powers that I've gained

I got Photoshop
and I can't stop
I just copy/paste
then I drag and drop
And everything in my life seems so much better
Oh that fateful day
at Comp USA
I was picking up a copy of GTA
And they were having a two for one special if you bought em' together

I got all A's on my report card
At least the one I showed my Dad
And here's a note from Cameron Diaz
Saying I'm the best she's ever had
I got the girl of my dreams
To finally break up with Eugene
When she saw those pictures so obscene of
Eugie all tied up in bed with her dear old Aunt Eileen

I got Photoshop
and I can't stop
I just copy/paste
then I drag and drop
And everything in my life seems so much better
Making fake ids now
is such a breeze
Just a couple clicks and I'm 23
Oh and look here's a picture of me with my friend Eddie Vedder

It shouldn't be a mystery
that I'll go down in history
as one of the most famous
Photoshoppers of our century
But I'm just hoping nobody
could possibly be on to me
while I'm still live and kicking
cause then they'll haul me off to jail

Then I'll go on regretably
to work for a federal agency
helping pigs in suits with
cracking down on other forgeries
And when I'm finished up in there
they'll strap me to an electric chair
to serve as an example to you newbies everywhere

The Green Day concert's all sold out now
But I just got a backstage pass
And here's my brand new sat scores
The college board can kiss my ass
Here's my check from MTV
And it's all made out to me
And it'll probably take an eternity
before accounting finds out that I'm not an employee

I got Photoshop
and I can't stop
I just copy/paste
then I drag and drop
And everything in my life seems so much better
Like this girl I date
thinks I'm 28
Little does she know
that I'm jailbait
And she even thinks I'm certified to forecast the weather